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I’VE just found out my parents are swingers. I don’t understand how they can do something like this just for sexual kicks.
I’m a 17-year-old girl and I recently found out what they were up to via our computer. I found stuff on there I wish I hadn’t seen.
My parents are both 39. They have no idea I know, nor do I want to confront them about it.
To be honest I can barely look at them. I just can’t get my head round why they would want to risk a loving relationship for such (often dangerous) sexual kicks.
I’m really worried it could be damaging their emotional commitment to each other.
If they can sleep freely with other people, what would stop them going off and sleeping with someone else without permission?
My mum has always drummed into me about how serious sex is in a relationship.
She said my dad was the only person she’s been with and it made me respect her so much.
It made me feel guilty inside as I’ve already slept with three guys since I was 16.
Whenever we had a sex talk I felt dirty because of what my mum had said.
She thinks I’m still a virgin by the way. Yet they are obviously relaxed about sleeping with other people who may also have kids.
There is a small part of me that isn’t bothered because millions of couple do it - but I do feel like they’re hypocrites and I’m worried in case it all ends badly in divorce.
No wonder you feel angry and deceived. Your parents have given you one set of rules but lived by quite another themselves.
I’m accepting that you mean what you say, that you don’t want to confront them – at least for now (though I suspect what you know will come bursting out during a row one day). So try to accept that they are fallible human beings who are not managing to live by the guidelines they believe are right.
But that doesn’t make the guidelines wrong. Think your standards through for yourself. You’re right that deception isn’t good, that once you push the boundaries of sexual fidelity it generally increases the pressures on a relationship. Live by your own standards.
But forgive yourself for having had sex with three guys since you turned 16. That’s one area where your mum clearly would have no right to make you feel guilty. But do still look at those experiences and think whether they were ones that made you happy, so you can make good decisions for yourself in future.
My leaflet on Learning About Love And Relationships could help.
Источник: The SUN
I’m a 17-year-old girl and I recently found out what they were up to via our computer. I found stuff on there I wish I hadn’t seen.
My parents are both 39. They have no idea I know, nor do I want to confront them about it.
To be honest I can barely look at them. I just can’t get my head round why they would want to risk a loving relationship for such (often dangerous) sexual kicks.
I’m really worried it could be damaging their emotional commitment to each other.
If they can sleep freely with other people, what would stop them going off and sleeping with someone else without permission?
My mum has always drummed into me about how serious sex is in a relationship.
She said my dad was the only person she’s been with and it made me respect her so much.
It made me feel guilty inside as I’ve already slept with three guys since I was 16.
Whenever we had a sex talk I felt dirty because of what my mum had said.
She thinks I’m still a virgin by the way. Yet they are obviously relaxed about sleeping with other people who may also have kids.
There is a small part of me that isn’t bothered because millions of couple do it - but I do feel like they’re hypocrites and I’m worried in case it all ends badly in divorce.
No wonder you feel angry and deceived. Your parents have given you one set of rules but lived by quite another themselves.
I’m accepting that you mean what you say, that you don’t want to confront them – at least for now (though I suspect what you know will come bursting out during a row one day). So try to accept that they are fallible human beings who are not managing to live by the guidelines they believe are right.
But that doesn’t make the guidelines wrong. Think your standards through for yourself. You’re right that deception isn’t good, that once you push the boundaries of sexual fidelity it generally increases the pressures on a relationship. Live by your own standards.
But forgive yourself for having had sex with three guys since you turned 16. That’s one area where your mum clearly would have no right to make you feel guilty. But do still look at those experiences and think whether they were ones that made you happy, so you can make good decisions for yourself in future.
My leaflet on Learning About Love And Relationships could help.
Источник: The SUN
Закрыт еще один свинг-клуб. На этот раз "Soho Beach House"
The manager of a kinky swingers' club, which has been shut down, claims he has been victimised by the council.
Soho Beach House, in Kilburn High Road, a club for 'no-nonsense' people wishing to take part in raunchy group sex, lost its license last August after fears it was being used as a brothel.
Dutchman Douglas Ifedha, the club's owner, last Thursday lost his appeal to overturn the ruling after breaking the conditions of his licence and drugs were found in the club by police.
He said: "The main reason they closed me down is that they think it's a brothel, but they couldn't mention it in court because the reality is that it is a swingers' club.
"Cllr James King went round houses with flyers trying to get people to say things. There is no evidence people are knocking on their doors looking for sex."
Mr Ifedha said security and CCTV was in place within three weeks of opening and only small traces of drugs were found in the toilets.
He added: "You can't monitor everyone using the toilets. It is cover for them to close me down as they didn't want a swingers' club.
"At normal clubs in Kilburn, police are being called every day. My club had no times when police were called to stop people assaulting each other.
"They imposed strict conditions whereby I must photograph every person coming to the club and take their name. Nobody wants to do that.
"I have respectable people coming to the club - including police officers who get their pants off.
"I am being victimised. They have brought me to my knees so I will probably sell the place. But I will carry on elsewhere as I have other clubs in Marble Arch and Hyde Park."
Cllr King, Kilburn ward, who gave evidence at the hearing, said residents had complained of 'persistent thumping music' in the early hours of the morning outside of permitted hours and people looking for sex knocking on their doors.
He said: "Although there was no evidence this place was used as a brothel, there was no CCTV, no security and evidence of drug use. "This premises has been a source of disorder and nuisance to residents and traders over the last year, so thankfully we have the right decision."
Male punters paid £120 to gain access to lurid group sex activities which, according to its website, are so wild they are 'only ever seen in X-rated movies.'
PC Rhodri Evans, who has responsibility for the north cluster said: "This decision shows that police will take stern and immediate action against premises that fail to promote the licensing objectives and who refuse to work with police."
w.davies@archant.co.uk
SW: Оунер выглядит колоритно
Источник: wbtimes.co.uk
The manager of a kinky swingers' club, which has been shut down, claims he has been victimised by the council.Soho Beach House, in Kilburn High Road, a club for 'no-nonsense' people wishing to take part in raunchy group sex, lost its license last August after fears it was being used as a brothel.
Dutchman Douglas Ifedha, the club's owner, last Thursday lost his appeal to overturn the ruling after breaking the conditions of his licence and drugs were found in the club by police.
He said: "The main reason they closed me down is that they think it's a brothel, but they couldn't mention it in court because the reality is that it is a swingers' club.
"Cllr James King went round houses with flyers trying to get people to say things. There is no evidence people are knocking on their doors looking for sex."
Mr Ifedha said security and CCTV was in place within three weeks of opening and only small traces of drugs were found in the toilets.
He added: "You can't monitor everyone using the toilets. It is cover for them to close me down as they didn't want a swingers' club.
"At normal clubs in Kilburn, police are being called every day. My club had no times when police were called to stop people assaulting each other."They imposed strict conditions whereby I must photograph every person coming to the club and take their name. Nobody wants to do that.
"I have respectable people coming to the club - including police officers who get their pants off.
"I am being victimised. They have brought me to my knees so I will probably sell the place. But I will carry on elsewhere as I have other clubs in Marble Arch and Hyde Park."
Cllr King, Kilburn ward, who gave evidence at the hearing, said residents had complained of 'persistent thumping music' in the early hours of the morning outside of permitted hours and people looking for sex knocking on their doors.
He said: "Although there was no evidence this place was used as a brothel, there was no CCTV, no security and evidence of drug use. "This premises has been a source of disorder and nuisance to residents and traders over the last year, so thankfully we have the right decision."
Male punters paid £120 to gain access to lurid group sex activities which, according to its website, are so wild they are 'only ever seen in X-rated movies.'
PC Rhodri Evans, who has responsibility for the north cluster said: "This decision shows that police will take stern and immediate action against premises that fail to promote the licensing objectives and who refuse to work with police."
w.davies@archant.co.uk
SW: Оунер выглядит колоритно
Источник: wbtimes.co.uk
Шокирующая правда о свинге в Британии. Статья в "The Sun". Высказывания двух семейных пар Steven and Emma и Colin and Gina. Ну и разумеется "комментарии" психолога, что "это не выход"
GROWING numbers of Brits are being drawn into the seedy world of wife swapping.
Nearly TWO MILLION UK couples are said to have tried swinging and another SIX MILLION say they would like to, according to a new survey.
The biggest increase is in couples in their 20s and 30s, says the report from research company onepoll.com.
To find out what drives them to swap partners, The Sun talked to two couples who have become regulars at private swinging clubs.
Emma Morgan, 29, and Steven Green, 27, from Harlow, Essex, have been together — and swinging — for eight months.
Steven is an electrician and Emma a part-time model. She has two daughters aged eight and 11 from a previous relationship.
Emma says: “I’ve always been interested in swinging and used to go to clubs on my own before I met Steven. But now it’s something we enjoy doing together."
“In two marriages my exes made out they were OK with me swinging — but it always led to jealousy.”
Emma told Steven from the start that she liked swinging.
She says: “He wasn’t fazed at all. He thought it was great.
“There’s no jealousy. We’re best mates and trust each other 100 per cent." Продолжение ...
Источник: The Sun
GROWING numbers of Brits are being drawn into the seedy world of wife swapping.
Nearly TWO MILLION UK couples are said to have tried swinging and another SIX MILLION say they would like to, according to a new survey.
The biggest increase is in couples in their 20s and 30s, says the report from research company onepoll.com.
To find out what drives them to swap partners, The Sun talked to two couples who have become regulars at private swinging clubs.
Emma Morgan, 29, and Steven Green, 27, from Harlow, Essex, have been together — and swinging — for eight months.
Steven is an electrician and Emma a part-time model. She has two daughters aged eight and 11 from a previous relationship.
Emma says: “I’ve always been interested in swinging and used to go to clubs on my own before I met Steven. But now it’s something we enjoy doing together."
“In two marriages my exes made out they were OK with me swinging — but it always led to jealousy.”
Emma told Steven from the start that she liked swinging.
She says: “He wasn’t fazed at all. He thought it was great.
“There’s no jealousy. We’re best mates and trust each other 100 per cent." Продолжение ...
Источник: The Sun
28 янв. 2009 г.
Скандал в лагере шотландских социалистов: свинг и наркотики
Ярлыки:
celebrities,
England,
english,
news
"They are liars," Tommy Sheridan famously said of the News of the World on the steps of the Court of Session in Edinburgh, after winning his defamation claim against the newspaper in August 2006.
Yesterday, it was confirmed the former Scottish socialist politician and Celebrity Big Brother contestant will be tried for perjury for evidence he gave against the Sunday tabloid during that case. Mr Sheridan, 44, will be prosecuted alongside his wife Gail, also 44. He had been awarded £200,000 in damages against the newspaper after it made a series of accusations against him, including that he cheated on his wife, attended swingers' clubs and took drugs.
At the trial, in which several members of Mr Sheridan's Scottish Socialist Party gave evidence against him, Judge Lord Turnbull told the jury conflicting evidence suggested some witnesses might have committed perjury. Police were instructed to investigate the claims and searched the Sheridans' Glasgow home. Mr Sheridan insisted he was the victim of a "political witch-hunt".
In December 2007 he was charged with perjury. Two months later his wife was charged. In March last year, they appeared in private at Edinburgh Sheriff Court and were bailed. The next hearing will take place at the city's High Court on 26 February.
As well as the allegation of perjury, Mr Sheridan will be charged with attempting to persuade someone else to commit the same offence. His wife will face one charge of perjury
Источник: Independent
12 дек. 2008 г.
R.I.P: Бетти Пейдж - одна из первых моделей, позировавших для журнала Playboy.
Ярлыки:
celebrities,
England,
news
"Культовая фигура, оказавшая влияние на изменение отношения к сексу, на моду, на все общество" (С) Основатель журнала Playboy Хью Хеффнер
Бетти Пейдж приобрела известность в 50-х годах прошлого века, снимаясь для журналов в одном купальнике. Многие полагают, что ее зачастую пикантные и откровенно эротические снимки стали одним из факторов, способствовавших сексуальной революции 60-х годов.
В ноябре Бетти Пейдж, которой исполнилось 85 лет, попала в больницу с воспалением легких. На прошлой неделе у нее случился инфаркт, и она, так и не придя в сознание, скончалась в одной из больниц Лос-Анджелеса.
Агент Бетти Пейдж назвал ее "самим воплощением красоты".
Ассошиэйтед пресс приводит слова основателя журнала Playboy Хью Хеффнера, который назвал Пейдж "культовой фигурой, оказавшей влияние на изменение отношения к сексу, на моду, на все общество". Бетти Пейдж родилась в Нэшвилле, штат Теннеси, в апреле 1923 года. Карьера фотомодели для нее началась после того, как в начале 50-х фотограф-любитель попросил ее позировать для него в Нью-Йорке.
В 1955 году Пейдж согласилась сняться для журнала Playboy.
Источник: bbc.co.uk
Бетти Пейдж приобрела известность в 50-х годах прошлого века, снимаясь для журналов в одном купальнике. Многие полагают, что ее зачастую пикантные и откровенно эротические снимки стали одним из факторов, способствовавших сексуальной революции 60-х годов.В ноябре Бетти Пейдж, которой исполнилось 85 лет, попала в больницу с воспалением легких. На прошлой неделе у нее случился инфаркт, и она, так и не придя в сознание, скончалась в одной из больниц Лос-Анджелеса.
Агент Бетти Пейдж назвал ее "самим воплощением красоты".
Ассошиэйтед пресс приводит слова основателя журнала Playboy Хью Хеффнера, который назвал Пейдж "культовой фигурой, оказавшей влияние на изменение отношения к сексу, на моду, на все общество". Бетти Пейдж родилась в Нэшвилле, штат Теннеси, в апреле 1923 года. Карьера фотомодели для нее началась после того, как в начале 50-х фотограф-любитель попросил ее позировать для него в Нью-Йорке.В 1955 году Пейдж согласилась сняться для журнала Playboy.
Источник: bbc.co.uk
Ewan Morrison, автор "SWUNG", делится своими советами и наблюдениями - Часть IV
Читать 1-5...
Читать 6-10...
Читать 11-13...
14. One of the joys is in not having sex
At times, I interviewed men myself, just like in a job interview - assessing whether they could put my new partners Sam or Julie at ease, make them laugh, whether they could be trusted. A 6ft 5in New Zealander with a ponytail and no sense of humour, a nervous young man whose ad said he was VWE (very well endowed) but who'd lied about his age and sat trembling as I interviewed him in a bar. He ran out when I went to the toilet. The kid no doubt thought he was so unattractive that it would be easier to score with a couple than go through the process of nightclubbing and dancing and chatting-up only to face rejection.
15. There is a dubious side to swinging
It does attract people who are escapees, or have the wrong motives. Some do it to try to save a failing marriage; some do it to cheat and get away with it; some couples are married but not to each other and swing behind their partners' backs once a month in other cities in hotel rooms. There are some single men, too, who hire prostitutes for the night so they can swing with a couple (they are usually found out, as part of the process is the chat, the building of trust on the basis of a couple's past).
The fact remains, however, that the great majority of swinging ads say, "No single men" - and swinging clubs also have a no-single-men policy. Single men are generally only brought on to the scene when a couple have a bi-curious male. Or when a couple wants multiple men. To be picked as a single male you generally have to be "WE" or "VWE" (although I once saw an ad from a couple looking for a man with a very small endowment). Or to be young - another ad from a retirement-age bisexual couple from Cornwall was calling for an "Adonis" to go with them on their second honeymoon to Greece.
16. Swinging does a lot for your self-confidence and your intuition
You start to see beyond people's appearances. You feel a bit like Tyler Durden in Fight Club, analysing everyone around you to work out if they're part of your Revolutionary Sub-Culture. You develop what is called "Playdar" - a bit like Gaydar. Swingers can spot each other in public. A couple once picked me up in a "regular bar".
17. Swinging is a question, not an answer
My year of swinging ended before I completed my book. I felt I had to stop and take stock and that a novel would be the vehicle for that. The year ended with a prior stage of escalation - an invitation to an orgy at which I realised I'd get much more from it if I was really in love with a partner. My partners had been explorers, not lovers. I was not in love - but I think in that year I learned to love people more, to be more compassionate, more accepting of difference.
I met so many people who claimed their lives had been enriched. And it still makes me ask if the conventions of monogamy are too repressive. Although swingers rarely quote psychologists or radical thinkers, there is an unspoken philosophy akin to that expounded by Erich Fromme and the polyfidelity movement (a sexual variation on communal living): a belief that polyfidelity cures the social problems of loneliness, jealousy, adultery, social fragmentation and emotional boredom.
My year of swinging ended with many new friends who were no longer lovers. Each of us, generally, moved on. Joanne now has a partner and a child. Sally has an on-going relationship with a couple. Which leads me to believe that swinging is, for the committed core, a lifestyle that they live day-in day-out. But for the majority who pass through the websites, it is a stage gone through for a year or so, a volatile stage filled with questions about limits and boundaries. Who I am? How will I live? Can I be happy? Can I love? What is love? Swinging is not so much an answer as a question asked deeply - for as many philosophers say, the only questions worth asking should place your life, and your body, at the heart of the question.
Перевод от Google (Sorry, guys)
Источник: Independent
Читать 1-5...
Читать 6-10...
Читать 11-13...
14. One of the joys is in not having sex
At times, I interviewed men myself, just like in a job interview - assessing whether they could put my new partners Sam or Julie at ease, make them laugh, whether they could be trusted. A 6ft 5in New Zealander with a ponytail and no sense of humour, a nervous young man whose ad said he was VWE (very well endowed) but who'd lied about his age and sat trembling as I interviewed him in a bar. He ran out when I went to the toilet. The kid no doubt thought he was so unattractive that it would be easier to score with a couple than go through the process of nightclubbing and dancing and chatting-up only to face rejection.
15. There is a dubious side to swinging
It does attract people who are escapees, or have the wrong motives. Some do it to try to save a failing marriage; some do it to cheat and get away with it; some couples are married but not to each other and swing behind their partners' backs once a month in other cities in hotel rooms. There are some single men, too, who hire prostitutes for the night so they can swing with a couple (they are usually found out, as part of the process is the chat, the building of trust on the basis of a couple's past).
The fact remains, however, that the great majority of swinging ads say, "No single men" - and swinging clubs also have a no-single-men policy. Single men are generally only brought on to the scene when a couple have a bi-curious male. Or when a couple wants multiple men. To be picked as a single male you generally have to be "WE" or "VWE" (although I once saw an ad from a couple looking for a man with a very small endowment). Or to be young - another ad from a retirement-age bisexual couple from Cornwall was calling for an "Adonis" to go with them on their second honeymoon to Greece.
16. Swinging does a lot for your self-confidence and your intuition
You start to see beyond people's appearances. You feel a bit like Tyler Durden in Fight Club, analysing everyone around you to work out if they're part of your Revolutionary Sub-Culture. You develop what is called "Playdar" - a bit like Gaydar. Swingers can spot each other in public. A couple once picked me up in a "regular bar".
17. Swinging is a question, not an answer
My year of swinging ended before I completed my book. I felt I had to stop and take stock and that a novel would be the vehicle for that. The year ended with a prior stage of escalation - an invitation to an orgy at which I realised I'd get much more from it if I was really in love with a partner. My partners had been explorers, not lovers. I was not in love - but I think in that year I learned to love people more, to be more compassionate, more accepting of difference.
I met so many people who claimed their lives had been enriched. And it still makes me ask if the conventions of monogamy are too repressive. Although swingers rarely quote psychologists or radical thinkers, there is an unspoken philosophy akin to that expounded by Erich Fromme and the polyfidelity movement (a sexual variation on communal living): a belief that polyfidelity cures the social problems of loneliness, jealousy, adultery, social fragmentation and emotional boredom.
My year of swinging ended with many new friends who were no longer lovers. Each of us, generally, moved on. Joanne now has a partner and a child. Sally has an on-going relationship with a couple. Which leads me to believe that swinging is, for the committed core, a lifestyle that they live day-in day-out. But for the majority who pass through the websites, it is a stage gone through for a year or so, a volatile stage filled with questions about limits and boundaries. Who I am? How will I live? Can I be happy? Can I love? What is love? Swinging is not so much an answer as a question asked deeply - for as many philosophers say, the only questions worth asking should place your life, and your body, at the heart of the question.
Перевод от Google (Sorry, guys)
Источник: Independent
Ewan Morrison, автор "SWUNG", делится своими советами и наблюдениями - Часть III
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11. Swinging is addictive
Over the next six months we had five different encounters - and constantly wanted more. The list of erotic possibilities had to be seen through. There is a sense of accumulation within swinging. Once things like good looks, age and class background have been dispensed with, people then generally tend towards quantity - bigger tits, bigger dicks, more people at the same time. So it was that she wanted to have - and she felt embarrassed by this because it was a clichéd fantasy - a black man with a big dick. So just like shopping on ebay, I found her one. Twelve miles away on the outskirts. He was 5ft 11in tall, aged 23, worked in a call centre, did a bit of modelling, was very good-looking. Again a bar meet and we trusted him. He drove back to his, we followed. He owned the property he said, had a tenant, he'd just split up with his girlfriend, it was best if the tenant didn't know we were there. We were to be discreet. He and I took turns having sex with Joanne. She said she had never been happier in her life.
12. You start to become a theorist
After a few encounters we started to analyse the scene, compare observations, draw up theories. For example, the debate on whether threesomes are better than fours. In a threesome as a couple, you have one toy (boy or girl) between you. With fours (and chat-rooms talk a lot about this) there tend to be complications, as it's almost impossible for all four to find each other attractive. One person will always be left out. And people have complex reasons too for swinging. Perhaps a man doesn't find his wife attractive anymore. He's doing it just to get some action. Or she's doing it to test the boundaries of their love, or to push it to breaking point. Then again, there are those so strong in their commitment that they love to watch their partners having pleasure with others, and are not threatened by it or made jealous. Joanne and I debated all these things. We drew up lists of things we'd learned:
There are a great number of couples with "bi-curious fems" looking for a woman - so it's more than just every man's fantasy of having two women in bed. More often than not they'd say: "partner not to be present"; or "partner to watch"; or, in one memorable ad, "partner to be in same building but not room".
Swingers often travel great distances to meet. They spend whole weekends together. They eat, sleep, watch TV, walk in the park. One couple travelled up from Manchester to stay with us.
You start writing diary entries like this: "Michel Houellebecq proposes that sex has become commodified - a currency - that there are those who live lives of poverty because they are unattractive, old, poor..." That sexual liberation has, in fact, oppressed millions of people. But swinging is the opposite - it is a free, open exchange, with no hierarchy or competition, no survival of the fittest. It runs counter to the prevailing consumerist ethos.
13. After a while you need to get some distance on exactly what it is you're doing
One moment, perhaps on our sixth encounter, when I'd been watching Joanne having sex, very complex emotions began running through me. Did I care for her? Did watching other people having sex turn me on? Could I live like this with a female partner - vicariously through other people. It was about this time that I started writing about swinging. To try to put these emotions into place. A novel took shape - about a couple so much in love but still they needed more. I didn't think at the time that I was being a "naked anthropologist". I wasn't doing research for the book. So many couples saying it made their love stronger. Did I want to love Joanne? I realised we had started from the wrong premise. The love has to be there from the start. You can't find it through swinging. And maybe I was scared of how much commitment it would take to see this through. More so than in a conventional relationship.
Joanne found my detachment frustrating. I encouraged her to see other people without me. As far as I know, she didn't swing with others - I was her swinging partner - but she did start seeing other guys. I, too, had started seeing other women. And strangely, the confidence that swinging had given me seemed to bring women to me who wanted to explore their sexuality. Over the next six months with three different women, I swung, with couples, with single men and women. And each time it was the same feeling: I am missing something.
The process fascinated me - breaking the cliché that it is men who want to screw around and women who want stability. Of course, many would think this was coercion on my behalf - that these women were only doing this to please me. But in each case, it was the woman who had the guts to see things through.
Перевод от Google (Sorry, guys)
Источник: Independent
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Читать 6-10...
11. Swinging is addictive
Over the next six months we had five different encounters - and constantly wanted more. The list of erotic possibilities had to be seen through. There is a sense of accumulation within swinging. Once things like good looks, age and class background have been dispensed with, people then generally tend towards quantity - bigger tits, bigger dicks, more people at the same time. So it was that she wanted to have - and she felt embarrassed by this because it was a clichéd fantasy - a black man with a big dick. So just like shopping on ebay, I found her one. Twelve miles away on the outskirts. He was 5ft 11in tall, aged 23, worked in a call centre, did a bit of modelling, was very good-looking. Again a bar meet and we trusted him. He drove back to his, we followed. He owned the property he said, had a tenant, he'd just split up with his girlfriend, it was best if the tenant didn't know we were there. We were to be discreet. He and I took turns having sex with Joanne. She said she had never been happier in her life.
12. You start to become a theorist
After a few encounters we started to analyse the scene, compare observations, draw up theories. For example, the debate on whether threesomes are better than fours. In a threesome as a couple, you have one toy (boy or girl) between you. With fours (and chat-rooms talk a lot about this) there tend to be complications, as it's almost impossible for all four to find each other attractive. One person will always be left out. And people have complex reasons too for swinging. Perhaps a man doesn't find his wife attractive anymore. He's doing it just to get some action. Or she's doing it to test the boundaries of their love, or to push it to breaking point. Then again, there are those so strong in their commitment that they love to watch their partners having pleasure with others, and are not threatened by it or made jealous. Joanne and I debated all these things. We drew up lists of things we'd learned:
There are a great number of couples with "bi-curious fems" looking for a woman - so it's more than just every man's fantasy of having two women in bed. More often than not they'd say: "partner not to be present"; or "partner to watch"; or, in one memorable ad, "partner to be in same building but not room".
Swingers often travel great distances to meet. They spend whole weekends together. They eat, sleep, watch TV, walk in the park. One couple travelled up from Manchester to stay with us.
You start writing diary entries like this: "Michel Houellebecq proposes that sex has become commodified - a currency - that there are those who live lives of poverty because they are unattractive, old, poor..." That sexual liberation has, in fact, oppressed millions of people. But swinging is the opposite - it is a free, open exchange, with no hierarchy or competition, no survival of the fittest. It runs counter to the prevailing consumerist ethos.
13. After a while you need to get some distance on exactly what it is you're doing
One moment, perhaps on our sixth encounter, when I'd been watching Joanne having sex, very complex emotions began running through me. Did I care for her? Did watching other people having sex turn me on? Could I live like this with a female partner - vicariously through other people. It was about this time that I started writing about swinging. To try to put these emotions into place. A novel took shape - about a couple so much in love but still they needed more. I didn't think at the time that I was being a "naked anthropologist". I wasn't doing research for the book. So many couples saying it made their love stronger. Did I want to love Joanne? I realised we had started from the wrong premise. The love has to be there from the start. You can't find it through swinging. And maybe I was scared of how much commitment it would take to see this through. More so than in a conventional relationship.
Joanne found my detachment frustrating. I encouraged her to see other people without me. As far as I know, she didn't swing with others - I was her swinging partner - but she did start seeing other guys. I, too, had started seeing other women. And strangely, the confidence that swinging had given me seemed to bring women to me who wanted to explore their sexuality. Over the next six months with three different women, I swung, with couples, with single men and women. And each time it was the same feeling: I am missing something.
The process fascinated me - breaking the cliché that it is men who want to screw around and women who want stability. Of course, many would think this was coercion on my behalf - that these women were only doing this to please me. But in each case, it was the woman who had the guts to see things through.
Перевод от Google (Sorry, guys)
Источник: Independent
Ewan Morrison, автор "SWUNG", делится своими советами и наблюдениями - Часть II
Читать 1-5...
6. Swingers are very 'safe'
Whether it be over sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or personal space. Everything commences only from a point of trust and consent within a group. If one person dissents then it's a "no". We told ourselves that at any moment either of us could call it off. But Tony and Joan had us laughing from minute one. This surreal scenario of being with a couple of strangers in a pub, openly discussing the terms and conditions. Condoms? Of course. Will the two men be having sex? No. The two women? Yes. Full partner swap? Yes - but Tony didn't like other men looking at his penis. All this in a public bar surrounded by 50 people who talked about "normal" things - Big Brother, nightclubs, Posh & Becks. No safety words said, we were invited back to their house.
7. The old cliché - Seventies suburbia, bored middle-class, middle-aged wife-swapping key parties - is no longer true
In my year I must have come across every social type apart from that one: a stand-up comedian; a call-centre girl and her partner; a male model; two professors; two heavy-metal heads. No hint of the suburbs - and mostly everyone under 40. Tony worked in insurance, Joan worked at Tesco; they lived in a housing scheme. Once they'd shown us in and we'd had a drink they revealed their real names: Steve and Sally.
8. Swinging is surreal
The feeling is of an almost-socialist utopia of open-mindedness and tolerance. You get invited into the homes of people you wouldn't normally socialise with. It's like being in a hobby club - stamp collectors, or model-aeroplane makers. There's the foreign-ness of their décor, their taste in music. And in an hour you're having sex together.
9. Swingers love to philosophise
Before we got down to business, Sally and Steve talked about how long they'd been doing it - how it had brought them closer, how so many couples strayed after the seven-year mark, how it contained the threat of infidelity (Steve travelled a lot with work), and how it made them love each other more (76 per cent of swingers rate themselves as "very happy" as compared to 54 per cent of non-swingers). They wanted to know all about us. How long we'd been together? How often had we done it before? We confessed it was our first time and they were thrilled to have some "newbies" - they talked excitedly about this whole world that would open up for us. Very strange, very unlike the usual monogamous boy-meets-girl processes of seduction. There was a lot of laughter.
10. Swinging is not just about sex
Steve and Sally made it clear that they were not in this just to have one-night flings - they wanted to develop friendships. They knew many other swinging couples and sometimes they just hung out. We didn't need to have sex tonight if we didn't want to. They liked us, they'd love to see us again. And it was us two who came across as pushy, wanting to get the deal done. Still, it was a relief and a release to talk with a couple so openly about love and sex and relationships, shedding so much baggage. Sitting in their lounge surrounded by pictures of their family members. At some point it was agreed that we'd all get naked. And Joanne had her first lesbian experience. I watched, for the first time, my girlfriend having sex first with a woman then with a man. Then I took my turn with Sally. I made the mistake of watching Steve having sex with Joanne. He covered his penis with his shirt. Me and Sally sat watching, sipping warm Liebfraumilch.
Joanne felt awkward after that, she seemed to have enjoyed it all more than me - although the lesbian thing had not turned her on as much as she thought. She said touching another woman's breasts was a bit like putting on your own bra. She was glad, though, that she could now go to the Pearly Gates and say: "I did it!"
While working on a novel about swingers the acclaimed author Ewan Morrison spent a year exploring Britain's secret sexual subculture. Twelve months and many, many partners later, this is what he learned
Читать 11-13...
Перевод от Google (Sorry, guys)
Источник: Independent
Читать 1-5...
6. Swingers are very 'safe'
Whether it be over sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or personal space. Everything commences only from a point of trust and consent within a group. If one person dissents then it's a "no". We told ourselves that at any moment either of us could call it off. But Tony and Joan had us laughing from minute one. This surreal scenario of being with a couple of strangers in a pub, openly discussing the terms and conditions. Condoms? Of course. Will the two men be having sex? No. The two women? Yes. Full partner swap? Yes - but Tony didn't like other men looking at his penis. All this in a public bar surrounded by 50 people who talked about "normal" things - Big Brother, nightclubs, Posh & Becks. No safety words said, we were invited back to their house.
7. The old cliché - Seventies suburbia, bored middle-class, middle-aged wife-swapping key parties - is no longer true
In my year I must have come across every social type apart from that one: a stand-up comedian; a call-centre girl and her partner; a male model; two professors; two heavy-metal heads. No hint of the suburbs - and mostly everyone under 40. Tony worked in insurance, Joan worked at Tesco; they lived in a housing scheme. Once they'd shown us in and we'd had a drink they revealed their real names: Steve and Sally.
8. Swinging is surreal
The feeling is of an almost-socialist utopia of open-mindedness and tolerance. You get invited into the homes of people you wouldn't normally socialise with. It's like being in a hobby club - stamp collectors, or model-aeroplane makers. There's the foreign-ness of their décor, their taste in music. And in an hour you're having sex together.
9. Swingers love to philosophise
Before we got down to business, Sally and Steve talked about how long they'd been doing it - how it had brought them closer, how so many couples strayed after the seven-year mark, how it contained the threat of infidelity (Steve travelled a lot with work), and how it made them love each other more (76 per cent of swingers rate themselves as "very happy" as compared to 54 per cent of non-swingers). They wanted to know all about us. How long we'd been together? How often had we done it before? We confessed it was our first time and they were thrilled to have some "newbies" - they talked excitedly about this whole world that would open up for us. Very strange, very unlike the usual monogamous boy-meets-girl processes of seduction. There was a lot of laughter.
10. Swinging is not just about sex
Steve and Sally made it clear that they were not in this just to have one-night flings - they wanted to develop friendships. They knew many other swinging couples and sometimes they just hung out. We didn't need to have sex tonight if we didn't want to. They liked us, they'd love to see us again. And it was us two who came across as pushy, wanting to get the deal done. Still, it was a relief and a release to talk with a couple so openly about love and sex and relationships, shedding so much baggage. Sitting in their lounge surrounded by pictures of their family members. At some point it was agreed that we'd all get naked. And Joanne had her first lesbian experience. I watched, for the first time, my girlfriend having sex first with a woman then with a man. Then I took my turn with Sally. I made the mistake of watching Steve having sex with Joanne. He covered his penis with his shirt. Me and Sally sat watching, sipping warm Liebfraumilch.
Joanne felt awkward after that, she seemed to have enjoyed it all more than me - although the lesbian thing had not turned her on as much as she thought. She said touching another woman's breasts was a bit like putting on your own bra. She was glad, though, that she could now go to the Pearly Gates and say: "I did it!"
While working on a novel about swingers the acclaimed author Ewan Morrison spent a year exploring Britain's secret sexual subculture. Twelve months and many, many partners later, this is what he learned
Читать 11-13...
Перевод от Google (Sorry, guys)
Источник: Independent
Ewan Morrison, автор "SWUNG", делится своими советами и наблюдениями
1. Getting started is easy
All you need is a modem, curiosity and a major life-change. I certainly had that. I'd been living in New York with a script-writing job. The job fell through and I found myself back in Glasgow, without work, without a partner, with only this city I'd left staring me back in the face. It started with online dating. Three months of success. So many women wanting only a one-night stand. But the whole game ultimately repetitive: the processes of chatting-up, your potted personal history, the same jokes working again and again. Wouldn't it be better to agree in advance that sex was all it was about? Disillusioned, I noticed that almost every dating website had a link to a swinging site. (The two main sites in the UK claim to have around 7o0,000 users each.)
2. You can only swing with a partner you really trust
After three months and 30 dates I met Joanne. Her story was similar to mine. She'd just come back to the UK after living in Spain, had been through a traumatic separation with her fiancé and been online dating for six months. Within an hour of meeting we were in bed. Laughing, comparing histories. Like me, she was wary of commitment. She had a temp job in IT. She wasn't sure how long she'd stay in Glasgow. She was 38. "Life is too short" and "You only live once," she said. She just wanted to have fun. We had fun. Seeing each other once a week. Sex games and toys and stories. But after a time the stagnation started. We both needed something more but were distrusting of sinking back into couple mode. Two escapees, we didn't want to end up shackled to each other. So the erotic fantasies started. Checking out swinging sites. The questions: had she ever done it with a woman? No. Was she curious? Yes. Had I ever been with a couple? No, but I was curious. We talked about it. It could be cathartic. Could help us break the mould we'd both found so damaging in the past. We agreed - we'd join the scene and she would have her first woman.
3. You have to learn a lot of terminology
It was maybe the fascination with that that pulled us through. So many abbreviations to learn: Nump - No Ugly Men Please; Spark - Single Parent Raising Kid; HWP - Height/Weight Proportional; FA - Fat Admirer; BBW - Big Beautiful Woman; MBA - Married But Available.
We e-mailed and chatted with dozens of couples. Took our first sex pictures. Posted them on our ad. Swapped them online. Made up fake names as the sites recommended. We were Dave and Shelia. Our first couple called themselves Tony and Joan.
4. You'll need to prove who you are
After swapping e-mails and pics with Tony and Joan we moved to the next stage - proving you are real. This was done with web-cams and a swap of phone numbers. (This is crucial because many people post pictures online of better looking, more well-endowed people and when they show up they are revealed as liars.)
5. There are specific rituals to learn
You call on mobile phones not landlines. You arrange to meet in a public place. For safety reasons. As a get-out, you have a secret "safety word" prepared - if you don't fancy the couple you drop "pizza" or "shopping" into the conversation and your partner knows to call it a day. We had our safety word prepared and agreed to meet in a bar. It was exactly like a first teenage date. The nervousness, the adrenalin, the sense of daring - the anxiety over whether you'd see it through, whether you wanted to.
While working on a novel about swingers the acclaimed author Ewan Morrison spent a year exploring Britain's secret sexual subculture. Twelve months and many, many partners later, this is what he learned
Читать 6-10...
Перевод от Google (Sorry, guys)
Источник: Independent
1. Getting started is easyAll you need is a modem, curiosity and a major life-change. I certainly had that. I'd been living in New York with a script-writing job. The job fell through and I found myself back in Glasgow, without work, without a partner, with only this city I'd left staring me back in the face. It started with online dating. Three months of success. So many women wanting only a one-night stand. But the whole game ultimately repetitive: the processes of chatting-up, your potted personal history, the same jokes working again and again. Wouldn't it be better to agree in advance that sex was all it was about? Disillusioned, I noticed that almost every dating website had a link to a swinging site. (The two main sites in the UK claim to have around 7o0,000 users each.)
2. You can only swing with a partner you really trust
After three months and 30 dates I met Joanne. Her story was similar to mine. She'd just come back to the UK after living in Spain, had been through a traumatic separation with her fiancé and been online dating for six months. Within an hour of meeting we were in bed. Laughing, comparing histories. Like me, she was wary of commitment. She had a temp job in IT. She wasn't sure how long she'd stay in Glasgow. She was 38. "Life is too short" and "You only live once," she said. She just wanted to have fun. We had fun. Seeing each other once a week. Sex games and toys and stories. But after a time the stagnation started. We both needed something more but were distrusting of sinking back into couple mode. Two escapees, we didn't want to end up shackled to each other. So the erotic fantasies started. Checking out swinging sites. The questions: had she ever done it with a woman? No. Was she curious? Yes. Had I ever been with a couple? No, but I was curious. We talked about it. It could be cathartic. Could help us break the mould we'd both found so damaging in the past. We agreed - we'd join the scene and she would have her first woman.
3. You have to learn a lot of terminology
It was maybe the fascination with that that pulled us through. So many abbreviations to learn: Nump - No Ugly Men Please; Spark - Single Parent Raising Kid; HWP - Height/Weight Proportional; FA - Fat Admirer; BBW - Big Beautiful Woman; MBA - Married But Available.
We e-mailed and chatted with dozens of couples. Took our first sex pictures. Posted them on our ad. Swapped them online. Made up fake names as the sites recommended. We were Dave and Shelia. Our first couple called themselves Tony and Joan.
4. You'll need to prove who you are
After swapping e-mails and pics with Tony and Joan we moved to the next stage - proving you are real. This was done with web-cams and a swap of phone numbers. (This is crucial because many people post pictures online of better looking, more well-endowed people and when they show up they are revealed as liars.)
5. There are specific rituals to learn
You call on mobile phones not landlines. You arrange to meet in a public place. For safety reasons. As a get-out, you have a secret "safety word" prepared - if you don't fancy the couple you drop "pizza" or "shopping" into the conversation and your partner knows to call it a day. We had our safety word prepared and agreed to meet in a bar. It was exactly like a first teenage date. The nervousness, the adrenalin, the sense of daring - the anxiety over whether you'd see it through, whether you wanted to.
While working on a novel about swingers the acclaimed author Ewan Morrison spent a year exploring Britain's secret sexual subculture. Twelve months and many, many partners later, this is what he learned
Читать 6-10...
Перевод от Google (Sorry, guys)
Источник: Independent
While working on a novel about swingers the acclaimed author Ewan Morrison spent a year exploring Britain's secret sexual subculture. Twelve months and many, many partners later, this is what he learned
My year of swinging ended with many new friends who were no longer lovers. Each of us, generally, moved on. Joanne now has a partner and a child. Sally has an on-going relationship with a couple. Which leads me to believe that swinging is, for the committed core, a lifestyle that they live day-in day-out. But for the majority who pass through the websites, it is a stage gone through for a year or so, a volatile stage filled with questions about limits and boundaries. Who I am? How will I live? Can I be happy? Can I love? What is love? Swinging is not so much an answer as a question asked deeply - for as many philosophers say, the only questions worth asking should place your life, and your body, at the heart of the question."
Источник: Independent
About the author
Ewan Morrison graduated from Glasgow School of Art with a degree in Fine Art and went on to become a successful television director. He has directed more than 200 hours of drama, arts and entertainment programmes for Channel4, BBC, Sky and STV, been nominated for four Baftas and was winner of a Royal Television Society Award in 2001. Since 2003, he has held Writer in Residence posts in France, Australia and New York. His first collection of short stories, The Last Book You Read, was published in 2005. Swung, a novel based on his year as a swinger, is published by Jonathan Cape on 5 April, price £11.99. To order at a special price, including free P&P, call Independent Books Direct, 08700 798 897
My year of swinging ended with many new friends who were no longer lovers. Each of us, generally, moved on. Joanne now has a partner and a child. Sally has an on-going relationship with a couple. Which leads me to believe that swinging is, for the committed core, a lifestyle that they live day-in day-out. But for the majority who pass through the websites, it is a stage gone through for a year or so, a volatile stage filled with questions about limits and boundaries. Who I am? How will I live? Can I be happy? Can I love? What is love? Swinging is not so much an answer as a question asked deeply - for as many philosophers say, the only questions worth asking should place your life, and your body, at the heart of the question."Источник: Independent
About the author
Ewan Morrison graduated from Glasgow School of Art with a degree in Fine Art and went on to become a successful television director. He has directed more than 200 hours of drama, arts and entertainment programmes for Channel4, BBC, Sky and STV, been nominated for four Baftas and was winner of a Royal Television Society Award in 2001. Since 2003, he has held Writer in Residence posts in France, Australia and New York. His first collection of short stories, The Last Book You Read, was published in 2005. Swung, a novel based on his year as a swinger, is published by Jonathan Cape on 5 April, price £11.99. To order at a special price, including free P&P, call Independent Books Direct, 08700 798 897
Daiting сервис для иностранцев проживающих в Британии.Возможность влиться в SW-коммьюнити Британии
Expatriate Swingers
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В Великобритании в условиях продолжающегося финансового кризиса секс стал самым популярным развлечением, не требующим финансовых затрат.
Такие данные были получены в результате опроса двух тысяч жителей Соединенного Королевства. От секса отстает бесцельное брожение по магазинам и обмен последними слухами.
Как сообщает BBC, самые любвеобильные жители Великобритании живут в Шотландии. 43% из опрошенных жителей Шотландии назвали секс своим любимым способом проводить свободное время. На юге Англии предпочитающих секс остальным вариантам бесплатного досуга - только 35%.
Каждый десятый опрошенный сказал, что больше всего любит рассматривать различные товары в магазинах. А 6% респондентов считают самым дешевым и полезным способом провести свободный день поход по музеям.
Примечательно, что для мужчин секс оказывается первым в списке приоритетов досуга, а женщинам все же больше нравится обсуждать знакомых с друзьями.
Читать дальше....
Источник: bbc.co.uk
Такие данные были получены в результате опроса двух тысяч жителей Соединенного Королевства. От секса отстает бесцельное брожение по магазинам и обмен последними слухами.Как сообщает BBC, самые любвеобильные жители Великобритании живут в Шотландии. 43% из опрошенных жителей Шотландии назвали секс своим любимым способом проводить свободное время. На юге Англии предпочитающих секс остальным вариантам бесплатного досуга - только 35%.
Каждый десятый опрошенный сказал, что больше всего любит рассматривать различные товары в магазинах. А 6% респондентов считают самым дешевым и полезным способом провести свободный день поход по музеям.
Примечательно, что для мужчин секс оказывается первым в списке приоритетов досуга, а женщинам все же больше нравится обсуждать знакомых с друзьями.
Читать дальше....
Источник: bbc.co.uk
21 нояб. 2008 г.
Роджер Стэнбери: "Я бы не стал связываться с клубом свингеров, если бы не был уверен в том, что он будет пользоваться успехом"
Фермер в графстве Девон на юго-западе Англии всполошил своих соседей планами открыть клуб для свингеров.
По словам Роджера Стэнбери, клуб будет находиться на территории его угодий в деревне Хорсвелл и в нем не будет "ничего предосудительного".
Клуб будет открыт в бывшем амбаре, который в 2001 году был переоборудован в банкетный зал. При этом хозяин фермы воспользовался деньгами из фонда по развитию туризма в этом уголке Англии.
54-летний Роджер Стэнбери рассказал, что решил диверсифицировать свой бизнес в 1996 году - после вспышки коровьего бешенства, из-за которой многие фермеры понесли большие убытки.
В прошлом году Стэнбери решил раз в месяц использовать его в качестве стриптиз-клуба под названием "Ваниль". А с 26 апреля он планирует раз в месяц открывать двери для свингеров.
На сайте клуба говорится, что он предлагает "утонченную клубную атмосферу, способствующую чувственным утехам", "эротические уголки", джакузи и "экзотичную развлекательную программу"
"Я бы не стал связываться с клубом свингеров, если бы не был уверен в том, что он будет пользоваться успехом", - рассказал Роджер Стэнбери.
"Он не противоречит закону, ничего сомнительного в нем нет. Это клуб для опытных пар, которые хотят встречаться с другими людьми с аналогичными интересами и хорошо проводить время. Большинство людей здесь достаточно раскованы, чтобы получать удовольствие таким образом", - поясняет он.
Глава управления по туризму на юго-западе Англии Малком Белл заявил, что поддерживает любую инициативу, которая не выходит за рамки закона.
"До тех пор, пока все законно, с технической стороны проблем нет. Времена меняются", - сказал он.
Местная администрация, похоже, тоже не возражает.
"В лицензии нет пунктов, запрещающих организацию развлечений для взрослых", - сказал чиновник из администрации северного Девона.
Читать дальше...
По словам Роджера Стэнбери, клуб будет находиться на территории его угодий в деревне Хорсвелл и в нем не будет "ничего предосудительного".Клуб будет открыт в бывшем амбаре, который в 2001 году был переоборудован в банкетный зал. При этом хозяин фермы воспользовался деньгами из фонда по развитию туризма в этом уголке Англии.
54-летний Роджер Стэнбери рассказал, что решил диверсифицировать свой бизнес в 1996 году - после вспышки коровьего бешенства, из-за которой многие фермеры понесли большие убытки.
В прошлом году Стэнбери решил раз в месяц использовать его в качестве стриптиз-клуба под названием "Ваниль". А с 26 апреля он планирует раз в месяц открывать двери для свингеров.
На сайте клуба говорится, что он предлагает "утонченную клубную атмосферу, способствующую чувственным утехам", "эротические уголки", джакузи и "экзотичную развлекательную программу"
"Я бы не стал связываться с клубом свингеров, если бы не был уверен в том, что он будет пользоваться успехом", - рассказал Роджер Стэнбери."Он не противоречит закону, ничего сомнительного в нем нет. Это клуб для опытных пар, которые хотят встречаться с другими людьми с аналогичными интересами и хорошо проводить время. Большинство людей здесь достаточно раскованы, чтобы получать удовольствие таким образом", - поясняет он.
Глава управления по туризму на юго-западе Англии Малком Белл заявил, что поддерживает любую инициативу, которая не выходит за рамки закона.
"До тех пор, пока все законно, с технической стороны проблем нет. Времена меняются", - сказал он.
Местная администрация, похоже, тоже не возражает.
"В лицензии нет пунктов, запрещающих организацию развлечений для взрослых", - сказал чиновник из администрации северного Девона.
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