1. Getting started is easyAll you need is a modem, curiosity and a major life-change. I certainly had that. I'd been living in New York with a script-writing job. The job fell through and I found myself back in Glasgow, without work, without a partner, with only this city I'd left staring me back in the face. It started with online dating. Three months of success. So many women wanting only a one-night stand. But the whole game ultimately repetitive: the processes of chatting-up, your potted personal history, the same jokes working again and again. Wouldn't it be better to agree in advance that sex was all it was about? Disillusioned, I noticed that almost every dating website had a link to a swinging site. (The two main sites in the UK claim to have around 7o0,000 users each.)
2. You can only swing with a partner you really trust
After three months and 30 dates I met Joanne. Her story was similar to mine. She'd just come back to the UK after living in Spain, had been through a traumatic separation with her fiancé and been online dating for six months. Within an hour of meeting we were in bed. Laughing, comparing histories. Like me, she was wary of commitment. She had a temp job in IT. She wasn't sure how long she'd stay in Glasgow. She was 38. "Life is too short" and "You only live once," she said. She just wanted to have fun. We had fun. Seeing each other once a week. Sex games and toys and stories. But after a time the stagnation started. We both needed something more but were distrusting of sinking back into couple mode. Two escapees, we didn't want to end up shackled to each other. So the erotic fantasies started. Checking out swinging sites. The questions: had she ever done it with a woman? No. Was she curious? Yes. Had I ever been with a couple? No, but I was curious. We talked about it. It could be cathartic. Could help us break the mould we'd both found so damaging in the past. We agreed - we'd join the scene and she would have her first woman.
3. You have to learn a lot of terminology
It was maybe the fascination with that that pulled us through. So many abbreviations to learn: Nump - No Ugly Men Please; Spark - Single Parent Raising Kid; HWP - Height/Weight Proportional; FA - Fat Admirer; BBW - Big Beautiful Woman; MBA - Married But Available.
We e-mailed and chatted with dozens of couples. Took our first sex pictures. Posted them on our ad. Swapped them online. Made up fake names as the sites recommended. We were Dave and Shelia. Our first couple called themselves Tony and Joan.
4. You'll need to prove who you are
After swapping e-mails and pics with Tony and Joan we moved to the next stage - proving you are real. This was done with web-cams and a swap of phone numbers. (This is crucial because many people post pictures online of better looking, more well-endowed people and when they show up they are revealed as liars.)
5. There are specific rituals to learn
You call on mobile phones not landlines. You arrange to meet in a public place. For safety reasons. As a get-out, you have a secret "safety word" prepared - if you don't fancy the couple you drop "pizza" or "shopping" into the conversation and your partner knows to call it a day. We had our safety word prepared and agreed to meet in a bar. It was exactly like a first teenage date. The nervousness, the adrenalin, the sense of daring - the anxiety over whether you'd see it through, whether you wanted to.
While working on a novel about swingers the acclaimed author Ewan Morrison spent a year exploring Britain's secret sexual subculture. Twelve months and many, many partners later, this is what he learned
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Источник: Independent
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